I am unemployed. I have no boss except for….me. I report to myself, set my own hours, take breaks when I want to, eat lunch when I want to, answer the phone when I want to, and clean the toilet if the mood strikes me, (which is not often). I have two co-workers. They are hairy with saggy jowls and bad breath. That however does not distinguish them from previous co-workers I’ve had in corporate America.
I am the CEO, CIO, CFO and of course M-O-M. I am also the sole guest at the… office Christmas Party.
My Christmas Party is just that. Christmas. It’s not a “Holiday Festival”, “Seasonal Celebration”, “Winter Gathering” or any other asinine politically correct name for a merry-making event celebrating the birth of Jesus. It’s a freaking Christmas Party.
Let’s get this party started by decking the “halls”.
My company, as most companies do, banned appliances big or small, lamps, electric staplers, radios, and the like. This was not an issue for me until I wanted to bring in my 30-cup coffeemaker and become the office barista.
Fire hazard? Please. Like my cell phone charger was going to spontaneously combust.
And Christmas lights? Forget it. Wanting to truly buck the system I shall opt to violate every standard OSHA has in place for workplace safety. Open flames everywhere. Candles, kerosene lamps, and flood lights marked for “outdoor use only” will grace and illuminate my party.
Tiki torch anyone??
Now, what to wear? Being my rebel self, I suppose I should go for the completely inappropriate office party attire. I shall don a blouse with a plunging neckline, a micro-mini skirt ala Paris Hilton, and stiletto heels. Now where did I put those fishnet stockings…
Actually, I own none of these. Sorry honey.
I’ll just wear….jammies! Yes! Elastic-waisted jammies and my running shoes which should make for easy maneuvering around the buffet table…
Now then, on to the menu. Office party food usually consists of say, sliced ham, buns, pasta salad, and a fabricated sorry ass excuse for a cheesecake. BOOOORING! Not this party, oh no sir-ree! I’ve come up with a delightful menu sure to please anyone who has longed for an all alcohol-laden meal at work:
Stuffed Meatballs with Vodka Sauce
Spinach Salad Flambé w/Bacon and Brandy Dressing
Beer Bread Buns
And for dessert:
Fuzzy Navel Upside Down Cake (boy, if that doesn’t conger up a good “morning after” story, I don’t know what will…)
There will of course be an open bar, tips accepted, and since I work in my own home, sober cab is not necessary. Yeah me! And for my narcoleptic
co-workers? Red Bull and Tic-Tacs.
Let’s move on to music. For everyone’s entertainment, I shall dance on the table in an inappropriate way (because I can) to the likes of “O Holy Night” and “Away in a Manger”. (Probably should’ve skipped the second helping of Flambé…) There will be no PC “Jingle Bells” or “Frosty the Snowman”. I’m giddy with political incorrectness! (It’s that, or the fact that I’m on White Russian #3….) We’re gonna get a little Jesus/Mary/Joseph action going on here. I shall sing of Angels I Have Heard On High, and Silent Nights (which I’ll be having later after I pass out…) Religion fills the air! And I will not even be banned to diversity training! PRAISE JESUS! (Ooops, there I go again!!)
And as long as I’m on the subject of Christmas ditties, I’ve got some news for the Twin Cities radio stations: Karen Carpenter and Elvis are dead…. Move ON!
After a few more hot toddies, being kept warm I might add by 5 roaring sterno cans, I decide on one more dance and call it a day. (A day that is, for it is not yet 3pm…). I lose my groove after falling flat on my face from the kitchen stool, another spot from which I chose to buck the system and dance inappropriately at this, my version of the office Christmas Party. Damn. As I come to, I get wind of the Red Bull Mint Cosmo they’ve whipped up for themselves… “Beloved” co-worker is licking my head, not to help me regain consciousness, but because I have remnants of Fuzzy Navel Upside Down Cake in my hair. A good story indeed!
Ok, now it’s REALLY time to call it a day.
As I extinguish the 47 sources of open flames and drag myself up the stairs for a quick nap before school lets out, I look back on my party escapades and am pleased. What could be better than a completely unorthodoxed office CHRISTMAS Party done my way?? (Besides
co-workers that don’t, er… sniff each other’s butts?)
Oh I don’t know, a REAL job maybe??
;-)
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Adventures in Laundry
There are times, not many, but some, where I can honestly say, “Thank goodness I’m not working today/this week/this month”.
Case in point? Traffic. I now get to sit back from the comfort of my own home and “watch” traffic on tv rather than participate in it. This week especially has allowed me to boast about my long commute from the house to the mailbox. Haven't the shmucks learned that if you leave at 7 and get there at 9:30, maybe the next day you should leave at 8:30 and get there at 9:30??? It really DOES work that way! Hello!!??
Another good reason to be unemployed? When black smoke starts pouring from the washing machine, and the fear of being without said appliance takes precedence over say, getting smoke inhalation, well, there you go. Who has time to work when a major appliance nearly starts on fire???!!! Surely not I!!!
Replacing an appliance is no small feat. This would not be a quick fix. Need professional advice. Call repairman. Repairman says poor washer is DOA. I suppose I should have suspected that when I saw the black smoke rising from the clothes like fog over a cemetary...
Damn. It just cost me 70 bucks for his little bit of “advice”… And to make it worse, I had a sopping full load of laundry sitting in poor deceased washer.
I am a self proclaimed laundry maven, but no amount of creative ingenuity was going to solve the problem of the sopping wet clothes, and the mounds of still dirty laundry waiting in the wings. I do not own a washboard, and the only thing I can ring out effectively is the neck of the beast in the house that vomits on my living room carpet with every-other- day frequency.
The only immediate solution to my laundry quandary? GASP! CHOKE! GAG! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, say it isn’t so!!! I have to go to the…..the….laundromat!!!! (Psycho music plays in the background…)
The laundromat? I’d rather clean up dog barf.
I agreed to suck it up for the sake of keeping my status as “domestic goddess”, even in the face of adversity. (But the question begs to be asked, isn’t being unemployed punishment enough????)
I toted the 150 lbs of sopping wet mess, as well as the rest of the smelly stack to the car. If it appeared dirty in any way shape or form it was going with me, for I was going to make this journey ONCE and only once, come hell or high water, (or lack thereof as the case may be).
A mile down the road it dawned on me. DETERGENT! Damn. Back I go. (For the record, this would still only count as ONE trip to the laundromat, for I shall never admit to more than just one in a 5 year period).
Being the optimist I am (!), I had a vision in my head of what this place might have in store for me. “It will be clean” I thought. People go there to wash their clothes so that’s a good thing right? It will be bright and clean and there will be people there like me who suffered near death experiences due to exploding appliances and we shall…bond.
That was WAAAAY too optimistic on my part. Damn washer. Why couldn’t it have been the DISHWASHER that died? I can wash and dry dishes with ease. Hell, the three year old can wash and dry dishes with ease. (My apologies if I insulted anyone who is "dishwashingly challanged"...)
Strike One, location. Oh, so THIS is what Purgatory looks like! Who knew?!
I held out hopes for the inside. Strike Two. Despite the blaring streams of sun in the western sky, the place was dark. Very dark. If my kids had been along I’m quite sure they would’ve feared the Boogie Man. Hell, even I was fearing the Boogie Man.
And finally, I surmise that the cleanest part of the whole place was the “inside” of the machines. The rest of the place looked like, well, you know when you pull your washer out from the wall (I did) and observe the 5 years of dirt, dust, dog food, coins, hair and general nastiness? Yeah, imagine that on a much LARGER scale, like say, INSIDE THE WHOLE DAMN LAUNDROMAT!!STRIKE THREE and I wanted OUT!!!!
I pumped my coins into two machines, which was a pricey little maneuver to the tune of $7.50 for two loads, dumped in my detergent and painfully watched the timer on each count down from 20.
20 minutes. I can do this. The “King of Queens” was on the dusty TV. I can do this.
Other “domestic goddesses” in my midst were the platinum blond 60 something woman missing one heck of an important tooth, and the Latino man, bless his heart, washing what I observed to be kids sized pink undies. (I prayed that they belonged to his sweet little kid and not say, er, uh....never mind...)
Oh geezus, not only do I have to be here for 17 more minutes, I’m now taking an interest in others dirty clothing. And underwear no less.
My timers finally hit zero. Thank you Jesus.
I throw my wet, albeit “spun out” clothes into my car and race off. My dryer is still, after all, in working order. For now. As a precaution I decide to sprinkle it with Holy Water.
The next day I make fast tracks to Best Buy, Home Depot, and Lowe’s. I float through the appliance departments, noting price, financing, delivery and recycling options. 3 stores in 45 minutes, and a plan is in place! I shall have a new washer by the weekend and never again be banished to “Giant Wash Coin Laundry” !!!!
And again, back to why being unemployed during this little roadbump on the highway of life was kind of “nice”…. If I was working, getting the laundry done, getting the shopping done, and sitting around while they deliver “sometime between now and Easter” would’ve had to be done in a, shall we say, “creative” way. The excuses to my boss to leave work early would go something like this:
The laundromat visit before the kids get home:
"Uh, daycare called, she has to close early due to a, ah, family emergency!"
The shopping trip:
"OMG our DOG died, choked to death on her own vomit...yeah, so sad, I'll see ya tomorrow if I'm up to coming in..."
The waiting for delivery:
"Ugh. I have the stomach flu. Must've been something I ate, yeah, I'll feel better tomorrow"...
Then the next day: "Kids are sick with it, yeah, hopefully I'll see ya tomorrow, yeah, nasty stuff…."
Ah the joy of being unemployed, no more lame brain excuses why you can’t “work” today.
;-)
Case in point? Traffic. I now get to sit back from the comfort of my own home and “watch” traffic on tv rather than participate in it. This week especially has allowed me to boast about my long commute from the house to the mailbox. Haven't the shmucks learned that if you leave at 7 and get there at 9:30, maybe the next day you should leave at 8:30 and get there at 9:30??? It really DOES work that way! Hello!!??
Another good reason to be unemployed? When black smoke starts pouring from the washing machine, and the fear of being without said appliance takes precedence over say, getting smoke inhalation, well, there you go. Who has time to work when a major appliance nearly starts on fire???!!! Surely not I!!!
Replacing an appliance is no small feat. This would not be a quick fix. Need professional advice. Call repairman. Repairman says poor washer is DOA. I suppose I should have suspected that when I saw the black smoke rising from the clothes like fog over a cemetary...
Damn. It just cost me 70 bucks for his little bit of “advice”… And to make it worse, I had a sopping full load of laundry sitting in poor deceased washer.
I am a self proclaimed laundry maven, but no amount of creative ingenuity was going to solve the problem of the sopping wet clothes, and the mounds of still dirty laundry waiting in the wings. I do not own a washboard, and the only thing I can ring out effectively is the neck of the beast in the house that vomits on my living room carpet with every-other- day frequency.
The only immediate solution to my laundry quandary? GASP! CHOKE! GAG! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, say it isn’t so!!! I have to go to the…..the….laundromat!!!! (Psycho music plays in the background…)
The laundromat? I’d rather clean up dog barf.
I agreed to suck it up for the sake of keeping my status as “domestic goddess”, even in the face of adversity. (But the question begs to be asked, isn’t being unemployed punishment enough????)
I toted the 150 lbs of sopping wet mess, as well as the rest of the smelly stack to the car. If it appeared dirty in any way shape or form it was going with me, for I was going to make this journey ONCE and only once, come hell or high water, (or lack thereof as the case may be).
A mile down the road it dawned on me. DETERGENT! Damn. Back I go. (For the record, this would still only count as ONE trip to the laundromat, for I shall never admit to more than just one in a 5 year period).
Being the optimist I am (!), I had a vision in my head of what this place might have in store for me. “It will be clean” I thought. People go there to wash their clothes so that’s a good thing right? It will be bright and clean and there will be people there like me who suffered near death experiences due to exploding appliances and we shall…bond.
That was WAAAAY too optimistic on my part. Damn washer. Why couldn’t it have been the DISHWASHER that died? I can wash and dry dishes with ease. Hell, the three year old can wash and dry dishes with ease. (My apologies if I insulted anyone who is "dishwashingly challanged"...)
Strike One, location. Oh, so THIS is what Purgatory looks like! Who knew?!
I held out hopes for the inside. Strike Two. Despite the blaring streams of sun in the western sky, the place was dark. Very dark. If my kids had been along I’m quite sure they would’ve feared the Boogie Man. Hell, even I was fearing the Boogie Man.
And finally, I surmise that the cleanest part of the whole place was the “inside” of the machines. The rest of the place looked like, well, you know when you pull your washer out from the wall (I did) and observe the 5 years of dirt, dust, dog food, coins, hair and general nastiness? Yeah, imagine that on a much LARGER scale, like say, INSIDE THE WHOLE DAMN LAUNDROMAT!!STRIKE THREE and I wanted OUT!!!!
I pumped my coins into two machines, which was a pricey little maneuver to the tune of $7.50 for two loads, dumped in my detergent and painfully watched the timer on each count down from 20.
20 minutes. I can do this. The “King of Queens” was on the dusty TV. I can do this.
Other “domestic goddesses” in my midst were the platinum blond 60 something woman missing one heck of an important tooth, and the Latino man, bless his heart, washing what I observed to be kids sized pink undies. (I prayed that they belonged to his sweet little kid and not say, er, uh....never mind...)
Oh geezus, not only do I have to be here for 17 more minutes, I’m now taking an interest in others dirty clothing. And underwear no less.
My timers finally hit zero. Thank you Jesus.
I throw my wet, albeit “spun out” clothes into my car and race off. My dryer is still, after all, in working order. For now. As a precaution I decide to sprinkle it with Holy Water.
The next day I make fast tracks to Best Buy, Home Depot, and Lowe’s. I float through the appliance departments, noting price, financing, delivery and recycling options. 3 stores in 45 minutes, and a plan is in place! I shall have a new washer by the weekend and never again be banished to “Giant Wash Coin Laundry” !!!!
And again, back to why being unemployed during this little roadbump on the highway of life was kind of “nice”…. If I was working, getting the laundry done, getting the shopping done, and sitting around while they deliver “sometime between now and Easter” would’ve had to be done in a, shall we say, “creative” way. The excuses to my boss to leave work early would go something like this:
The laundromat visit before the kids get home:
"Uh, daycare called, she has to close early due to a, ah, family emergency!"
The shopping trip:
"OMG our DOG died, choked to death on her own vomit...yeah, so sad, I'll see ya tomorrow if I'm up to coming in..."
The waiting for delivery:
"Ugh. I have the stomach flu. Must've been something I ate, yeah, I'll feel better tomorrow"...
Then the next day: "Kids are sick with it, yeah, hopefully I'll see ya tomorrow, yeah, nasty stuff…."
Ah the joy of being unemployed, no more lame brain excuses why you can’t “work” today.
;-)
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I have to do WHAT???
You cannot be shy when job hunting.
Damn.
When the outplacement service told us that 65% of jobs were gotten through “networking activities”, I had two words for that:
“Oh Sh*t”
I am not an extrovert. I am, and forever shall be, a shy person. Oh sure, I’ve had to fabricate some “outward” moments in my life, but happily I report, those stomach turning bouts of gut wrenching nervous anxiety never resulted in outright vomiting. I’ve recently given our two hounds nicknames: Sleepy and Dopey. How fitting then that I will dub myself…Bashful.
I could blame my bashfulness on being the youngest of six. I presume that for every child born into the clan, and the bigger the clan, the youngest always has less of a voice, (especially when your brother holds a pillow over your face most days...)
I’m sure that when Mom took me out shopping or wherever, there were always the hushed whispers, “Is she mute???” or “Oh look honey, that little girl must’ve been victim of a freak tongue amputation incident. Poor thing.”
Later in my early teens, I actually managed to branch out into using the phone. It went something like this: “Hello? Yes, this is Edna Weiers. I’m calling for Bridget, she…” (fill in the blank).
I hated talking to people. Getting a job helped a bit, as the average joe doesn’t understand, “you want fries with that?” in sign language.
So, I survived my early 20’s, “getting by” with as little human interaction as possible. I e-mailed people in the next cube.
Okay, okay, I was just lazy.
Given that I do now consider myself a pretty good manager/leader, I suppose I have gotten over my shyness. Mostly. That, or I ‘m one hell of an actress. (Is that a new career calling???)
There are many cures to shyness. The biggest and best? "Cliff-diving" as I call it.
Just do it. Just call. Just knock. Just TALK for God’s sake.
At some point, I had to take over those calls, lest they would have sounded like this: “Hello Dan? Yes, this is Edna Weiers, Bridget’s mom? Yes, well, she thinks you’re hot and wait, I can’t see this, let me get my glasses…Yes, I’m back…let’s see here, she was wondering if you’d like to.… Hello? Hello? Are you still there??”
Marriage. A triumphant cure for shyness.
Another winning strategy?? Child-birth. The second they say “stirrups” you’re done.
I longed to overcome ALL the hurdles that were keeping me from TRUE EXTROVERT-NESS!!! What is it!? What is the key to my destiny?? !!!
Then it hit me like a brick one day while in front of a crowd of 50 at work. (How the hell did I get myself into THAT situation??? Was I being punished??? Did I violate some Code of Conduct????)
The answer –> Make ‘em laugh. Make em think you’re as freakin' funny as they think you are.
DONE!
So. Back to 65% of jobs gotten through networking. Still thinking, “sh*t, I don’t want to do this”.
I couldn’t see myself going into a networking meeting, with the hopes of “making myself known” to these people with a pocket full of sarcasm and a few jokes. But if THIS is what is supposidley going to land me a great job, I didn’t really have a choice but to go meet with "those people", sans the funnies.
So I cliff-dove this week. Not once, but twice. Didn’t even have to get Edna involved. Got two contacts through former colleagues, called them up, requested a meeting to discuss their company. And to my surprise, they did not have three heads, 7 inch claws, or growl at me.
I expressed much interest in THEM and THEIR careers (people love to talk about themselves…we are after all, innately selfish SOBs…) and then the little voice inside me made sure I told them how FABULOUS I was and how they couldn’t live without me. (Not quite, but you get the idea...)
They were nice. Very, very, nice. And from that very EXTROVERTED act on my part, I have 5 more contacts in my target companies to reach out to. And I will! I AM NOT AFRAID! TELL ME WHERE THE POPE LIVES AND I’LL GO NETWORK WITH HIM TOO!!! (Oh wait. “Married” and “Female” leaves me with limited job opportunities in the Catholic Church ;-)
So I have two new words:
“Yeah me!”
Another highlight for the week: MAJOR GLOBAL INSURANCE COMPANY called me to do a phone interview, and it went well. Hoping for an "in person" one in a week or two. I didn’t even apply for the job, they found me on CareerBuilder.com. VERY cool position, VERY much more $$.
The only question I have now is, why the hell am I working so hard???
The irony is, well...funny.
;-)
Damn.
When the outplacement service told us that 65% of jobs were gotten through “networking activities”, I had two words for that:
“Oh Sh*t”
I am not an extrovert. I am, and forever shall be, a shy person. Oh sure, I’ve had to fabricate some “outward” moments in my life, but happily I report, those stomach turning bouts of gut wrenching nervous anxiety never resulted in outright vomiting. I’ve recently given our two hounds nicknames: Sleepy and Dopey. How fitting then that I will dub myself…Bashful.
I could blame my bashfulness on being the youngest of six. I presume that for every child born into the clan, and the bigger the clan, the youngest always has less of a voice, (especially when your brother holds a pillow over your face most days...)
I’m sure that when Mom took me out shopping or wherever, there were always the hushed whispers, “Is she mute???” or “Oh look honey, that little girl must’ve been victim of a freak tongue amputation incident. Poor thing.”
Later in my early teens, I actually managed to branch out into using the phone. It went something like this: “Hello? Yes, this is Edna Weiers. I’m calling for Bridget, she…” (fill in the blank).
I hated talking to people. Getting a job helped a bit, as the average joe doesn’t understand, “you want fries with that?” in sign language.
So, I survived my early 20’s, “getting by” with as little human interaction as possible. I e-mailed people in the next cube.
Okay, okay, I was just lazy.
Given that I do now consider myself a pretty good manager/leader, I suppose I have gotten over my shyness. Mostly. That, or I ‘m one hell of an actress. (Is that a new career calling???)
There are many cures to shyness. The biggest and best? "Cliff-diving" as I call it.
Just do it. Just call. Just knock. Just TALK for God’s sake.
At some point, I had to take over those calls, lest they would have sounded like this: “Hello Dan? Yes, this is Edna Weiers, Bridget’s mom? Yes, well, she thinks you’re hot and wait, I can’t see this, let me get my glasses…Yes, I’m back…let’s see here, she was wondering if you’d like to.… Hello? Hello? Are you still there??”
Marriage. A triumphant cure for shyness.
Another winning strategy?? Child-birth. The second they say “stirrups” you’re done.
I longed to overcome ALL the hurdles that were keeping me from TRUE EXTROVERT-NESS!!! What is it!? What is the key to my destiny?? !!!
Then it hit me like a brick one day while in front of a crowd of 50 at work. (How the hell did I get myself into THAT situation??? Was I being punished??? Did I violate some Code of Conduct????)
The answer –> Make ‘em laugh. Make em think you’re as freakin' funny as they think you are.
DONE!
So. Back to 65% of jobs gotten through networking. Still thinking, “sh*t, I don’t want to do this”.
I couldn’t see myself going into a networking meeting, with the hopes of “making myself known” to these people with a pocket full of sarcasm and a few jokes. But if THIS is what is supposidley going to land me a great job, I didn’t really have a choice but to go meet with "those people", sans the funnies.
So I cliff-dove this week. Not once, but twice. Didn’t even have to get Edna involved. Got two contacts through former colleagues, called them up, requested a meeting to discuss their company. And to my surprise, they did not have three heads, 7 inch claws, or growl at me.
I expressed much interest in THEM and THEIR careers (people love to talk about themselves…we are after all, innately selfish SOBs…) and then the little voice inside me made sure I told them how FABULOUS I was and how they couldn’t live without me. (Not quite, but you get the idea...)
They were nice. Very, very, nice. And from that very EXTROVERTED act on my part, I have 5 more contacts in my target companies to reach out to. And I will! I AM NOT AFRAID! TELL ME WHERE THE POPE LIVES AND I’LL GO NETWORK WITH HIM TOO!!! (Oh wait. “Married” and “Female” leaves me with limited job opportunities in the Catholic Church ;-)
So I have two new words:
“Yeah me!”
Another highlight for the week: MAJOR GLOBAL INSURANCE COMPANY called me to do a phone interview, and it went well. Hoping for an "in person" one in a week or two. I didn’t even apply for the job, they found me on CareerBuilder.com. VERY cool position, VERY much more $$.
The only question I have now is, why the hell am I working so hard???
The irony is, well...funny.
;-)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Interview Shminterview
For a job seeker, the concept of the interview is nothing less than a thrill. Finally, a chance to sit down with a supposed intellectual, well-knowing person who will engage in a conversation about their companies’ needs, and my chance to tell them that not only do they need me, how could they live without me any longer???!!
It’s just not like that.
Books and HR departments and handbooks and ANYONE can tell you the do’s and don’ts of interviewing. Don’t chew gum, don’t ask for vacation before you’re hired, do give a firm handshake, do not wear your gym shorts.
There ought to be a law against bad interviewers. Not the people being interviewed, we know what we’re doing. The people they’re putting out there to represent their companies to potential employees? PLEASE! Like I want to work here with you??? The interviewer should, at a minimum, present themselves in a way that would make you believe that you are slightly more important than the gum stuck to the bottom of their chair.
I am starting to categorize these interviewers. Let me tell you what I’ve come up with so far:
#1 - Casual Fridays Debunked
We are taught as interviewees to present ourselves in a professional, competent way by sporting the most God-awful outfits known to man (or woman as the case may be). Let me tell you this. There is nothing more uncomfortable than an interview suit. Panty hose, a tight skirt, unflattering jacket, and shoes so tight you are sure amputation is inevitable if you make it back to your car.
Shouldn't interviewers have at least SOME responsibility here? I went to an interview prior to leaving the “company responsible for my demise” in said monkey suit, only to find my interviewer dressed in a sweatshirt, jeans, and dirty tennis shoes. Am I at a corporation or are we gonna clean your garage? This might be acceptable attire if say, it was Friday. It was not. Given the title of this person and knowing what I know, she makes 6 figures. I thought maybe she could’ve sprung for less faded jeans?…. I didn’t get the job.
I shoulda wore Zubaz and bunny slippers.
To her credit, we had a great conversation about the company and my qualifications. This I would learn, is the exception and not the rule.
#2 - The Third Reich
I interviewed a few months ago, again, before my demise, with someone who I fondly look back on now as the Interviewing Nazi. My interview was initially for one hour. It got rescheduled three times and finally landed 2 days later for 30 minutes. HOW can I sell my wonderfulness in 30 minutes or less??
So, the Interview Nazi has a list of no less than 25 questions for me. Again, that she had questions for me at all was exciting in itself, however, 25 questions in 30 minutes is 1.2 questions per minute. If it took her 15 seconds to ask the question, that left me less than 60 seconds to answer it. I do not talk with the speed of those guys on the radio reading the disclaimers. I like to talk. I like to tell interviewers how they cannot live without me. I like to breathe while speaking.
She never looked up from her paper. Did her neck hurt?
Did she need a brace? Some Advil?? No.
She sprinted through those questions, even cutting me off at a few points during those blasted 30 minutes. To make things worse, she did a few of those yawns where you are holding it in, trying not to open your mouth. Know what I’m talking about?
It was a train wreck. But through no fault of mine.
I didn’t get the job, obviously. That’s ok. Last I heard Hitler did not provide any sick time, and was not so keen on Work/Life Balance.
#3 – The Scare Tactic
So, I got an interview last week by way of a recruiter who found me on CareerBuilder. GREAT! FABULOUS! The company does what? Where? Excuse me, could you repeat that???? Yikes, that’s what I thought you said…
Seems this printing company is looking for an Operations Manager. I know nothing about printing. That’s ok I suppose, as conceptually, a leader and the competencies they bring to the job are what’s important. I can learn your product. I can hire and fire people and everything in between. Then I learned where the job was. Little Canada. Little Canada might as well BE in Canada. Or on Mars.
Despite the odds against me I go in for the interview anyway. The guy comes out 20 minutes after our scheduled time, apologizes for the delay, sits me down in his office, looks at my resume, and says, “Ok, I see you went to St. Cloud State. Start There.”
What?? Like, you want me to tell you about the all night bong parties?
He had no questions, written or otherwise. I had never seen a job description. I talked about my experience. He said nothing. Wait, he did say, “do you have any questions for me??”
Excuse me? Who is the interviewer here??
“Yes, can you tell me why this position is open?”
“I fired the last one”
“Okaaaaaay…can you tell me what a typical day would look like for the position”.
“Forecasting. Need someone who can forecast and schedule production around those forecasts”.
Great, we were on to something.
“Okay…are there written training materials?”
“Nope, we need to work on that”.
“Policies and Procedures?”
“Nope.”
“Productivity and Performance Goals?”
“Nah.”
“What are the biggest challenges right now”?
“Lack of talent and getting people to show up on time.”
If my shoes hadn’t been so tight I could’ve maybe run out the door a little faster. He was obviously never in sales, and never read the “How Not to Scare the Bejesus Out of Job Candidates” handbook.
“We’ll be doing second interviews next week” he said as he walked me out the door.
I was all I could do to say, "Yeah right".
Maybe Hitler is still hiring, he wasn't as scary as this guy...
;-)
PS - I'm making some good progress, I'm meeting people in companies I want to work at, applying for jobs in those companies, and that combo is, as Martha says, "a good thing".
It’s just not like that.
Books and HR departments and handbooks and ANYONE can tell you the do’s and don’ts of interviewing. Don’t chew gum, don’t ask for vacation before you’re hired, do give a firm handshake, do not wear your gym shorts.
There ought to be a law against bad interviewers. Not the people being interviewed, we know what we’re doing. The people they’re putting out there to represent their companies to potential employees? PLEASE! Like I want to work here with you??? The interviewer should, at a minimum, present themselves in a way that would make you believe that you are slightly more important than the gum stuck to the bottom of their chair.
I am starting to categorize these interviewers. Let me tell you what I’ve come up with so far:
#1 - Casual Fridays Debunked
We are taught as interviewees to present ourselves in a professional, competent way by sporting the most God-awful outfits known to man (or woman as the case may be). Let me tell you this. There is nothing more uncomfortable than an interview suit. Panty hose, a tight skirt, unflattering jacket, and shoes so tight you are sure amputation is inevitable if you make it back to your car.
Shouldn't interviewers have at least SOME responsibility here? I went to an interview prior to leaving the “company responsible for my demise” in said monkey suit, only to find my interviewer dressed in a sweatshirt, jeans, and dirty tennis shoes. Am I at a corporation or are we gonna clean your garage? This might be acceptable attire if say, it was Friday. It was not. Given the title of this person and knowing what I know, she makes 6 figures. I thought maybe she could’ve sprung for less faded jeans?…. I didn’t get the job.
I shoulda wore Zubaz and bunny slippers.
To her credit, we had a great conversation about the company and my qualifications. This I would learn, is the exception and not the rule.
#2 - The Third Reich
I interviewed a few months ago, again, before my demise, with someone who I fondly look back on now as the Interviewing Nazi. My interview was initially for one hour. It got rescheduled three times and finally landed 2 days later for 30 minutes. HOW can I sell my wonderfulness in 30 minutes or less??
So, the Interview Nazi has a list of no less than 25 questions for me. Again, that she had questions for me at all was exciting in itself, however, 25 questions in 30 minutes is 1.2 questions per minute. If it took her 15 seconds to ask the question, that left me less than 60 seconds to answer it. I do not talk with the speed of those guys on the radio reading the disclaimers. I like to talk. I like to tell interviewers how they cannot live without me. I like to breathe while speaking.
She never looked up from her paper. Did her neck hurt?
Did she need a brace? Some Advil?? No.
She sprinted through those questions, even cutting me off at a few points during those blasted 30 minutes. To make things worse, she did a few of those yawns where you are holding it in, trying not to open your mouth. Know what I’m talking about?
It was a train wreck. But through no fault of mine.
I didn’t get the job, obviously. That’s ok. Last I heard Hitler did not provide any sick time, and was not so keen on Work/Life Balance.
#3 – The Scare Tactic
So, I got an interview last week by way of a recruiter who found me on CareerBuilder. GREAT! FABULOUS! The company does what? Where? Excuse me, could you repeat that???? Yikes, that’s what I thought you said…
Seems this printing company is looking for an Operations Manager. I know nothing about printing. That’s ok I suppose, as conceptually, a leader and the competencies they bring to the job are what’s important. I can learn your product. I can hire and fire people and everything in between. Then I learned where the job was. Little Canada. Little Canada might as well BE in Canada. Or on Mars.
Despite the odds against me I go in for the interview anyway. The guy comes out 20 minutes after our scheduled time, apologizes for the delay, sits me down in his office, looks at my resume, and says, “Ok, I see you went to St. Cloud State. Start There.”
What?? Like, you want me to tell you about the all night bong parties?
He had no questions, written or otherwise. I had never seen a job description. I talked about my experience. He said nothing. Wait, he did say, “do you have any questions for me??”
Excuse me? Who is the interviewer here??
“Yes, can you tell me why this position is open?”
“I fired the last one”
“Okaaaaaay…can you tell me what a typical day would look like for the position”.
“Forecasting. Need someone who can forecast and schedule production around those forecasts”.
Great, we were on to something.
“Okay…are there written training materials?”
“Nope, we need to work on that”.
“Policies and Procedures?”
“Nope.”
“Productivity and Performance Goals?”
“Nah.”
“What are the biggest challenges right now”?
“Lack of talent and getting people to show up on time.”
If my shoes hadn’t been so tight I could’ve maybe run out the door a little faster. He was obviously never in sales, and never read the “How Not to Scare the Bejesus Out of Job Candidates” handbook.
“We’ll be doing second interviews next week” he said as he walked me out the door.
I was all I could do to say, "Yeah right".
Maybe Hitler is still hiring, he wasn't as scary as this guy...
;-)
PS - I'm making some good progress, I'm meeting people in companies I want to work at, applying for jobs in those companies, and that combo is, as Martha says, "a good thing".
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
McDonalds!! Then and Now
I joke a lot, (a little too much probably) about having to work at McDonalds if nothing else pans out.
It’s a little known fact that this Operations Manager wanna be got her start at the Golden Arches right here in Shakopee MN. The year: 1985. I was 15, and if memory serves me, I drove myself to said restaurant to apply. I didn’t have one of those “farmer” driving permits, but I surmise that my thought process was if I ever got pulled over, I would plead ignorance and the coppers would just call Edna and she’d straighten it all out. (Having two outlaw brothers, she was use to that right??)
I filled out the application for “crew member” and was immediately interviewed by, (sorry honey) the best looking “hunk” I’d seen in awhile. ..
I was hired immediately. I should have seen this as a sign of complete and utter desperation to get a body in the door that could sling a burger out the drive thru window in an acceptable amount of time and manage to get a “Thank you come again” said to at least 1 out of every 3 customers.
“Maybe the hunk likes me?!” I thought. No. Just desperate. And not for a date either. Dang.
And so began my 8 year stint at McDonalds.
It didn’t take long for them to realize my worth, (and really I’m not boasting, it just doesn’t take much to shine as a McDonalds crew member….)
Two years after being hired by the hunk, he never did ask me out, but I was promoted to shift manager. Me. A manager. 17 years old and they put me in charge.
Party on!
Looking back, that it actually took a full two years to achieve this “status” is somewhat disappointing. I ran designated shifts, managed the “crew”, made sure the place was clean, the food was fresh, (okay okay, “somewhat” fresh) counted the cash, made the deposit, and locked the place up at the end of the night. They even gave me keys to the freakin place. Me.
I did all those things. And know what else? I raised just a tiny bit of hell along the way...
You see, having navigated my way to another town to work was thought of as pretty unorthodoxed at the time. I had more friends and more fun at this institution than at any other point in my life! Those saps, er, “beloved classmates” at New Prague High School had no idea what they were missing...
I’m lovin’ it.
As I contemplate a new career, I will never forget the lessons I learned from my first management job, however, if I were to do fast food again, there are things that would likely be different:
Then:
Burley construction guy with a likeness to Larry the Cable Guy comes in and orders two Quarter Pounders with Cheese, Super Size fries, and large coke. I cheerfully comply and am sure to remind him that he forgot dessert and would he “like an apple pie with that”?
Now:
I pull out the nutritional guide and kindly point out that he just ordered 1,832 calories, 78 grams of fat, and would he “like a heart attack with that”?
Then:
My newfound friends (sans the hunk) and I sit in the parking lot after close until 3:30am, all the while dear ‘ol Mom thinks it really does take that long to clean the place up.
Now:
At 3:30 am my alarm is going off. I have been asleep for at least 6 hours.
Then:
A “little tiny bit” of underage beer drinking in aforementioned parking lot
Now:
Beer is about as appealing to me as a good cup of battery acid.
Then:
I ate red meat.
Now:
I’ve seen what’s in a Big Mac. I won’t go there.
Then:
Found a “few” boys I worked with worthy of kissing in the
parking lot…. :-O
Now:
Husband would frown on such activities.
Then:
I forgot your fries.
Now:
I forgot your name.
Then:
I worked nights and weekends, putting up with demanding and whining customers and co-workers...
Now:
I work nights and weekends, putting up with demanding and whining kids who think I exist to wait on them...
Would I go back?
No, but I want a drive thru speaker outside my house so that from the comfort of my living room I can yell to my kids to "stop fighting!", "be careful in the street!", "put down the ax!" or better yet, “time to eat!”
We’re going to Burger King...
;-)
It’s a little known fact that this Operations Manager wanna be got her start at the Golden Arches right here in Shakopee MN. The year: 1985. I was 15, and if memory serves me, I drove myself to said restaurant to apply. I didn’t have one of those “farmer” driving permits, but I surmise that my thought process was if I ever got pulled over, I would plead ignorance and the coppers would just call Edna and she’d straighten it all out. (Having two outlaw brothers, she was use to that right??)
I filled out the application for “crew member” and was immediately interviewed by, (sorry honey) the best looking “hunk” I’d seen in awhile. ..
I was hired immediately. I should have seen this as a sign of complete and utter desperation to get a body in the door that could sling a burger out the drive thru window in an acceptable amount of time and manage to get a “Thank you come again” said to at least 1 out of every 3 customers.
“Maybe the hunk likes me?!” I thought. No. Just desperate. And not for a date either. Dang.
And so began my 8 year stint at McDonalds.
It didn’t take long for them to realize my worth, (and really I’m not boasting, it just doesn’t take much to shine as a McDonalds crew member….)
Two years after being hired by the hunk, he never did ask me out, but I was promoted to shift manager. Me. A manager. 17 years old and they put me in charge.
Party on!
Looking back, that it actually took a full two years to achieve this “status” is somewhat disappointing. I ran designated shifts, managed the “crew”, made sure the place was clean, the food was fresh, (okay okay, “somewhat” fresh) counted the cash, made the deposit, and locked the place up at the end of the night. They even gave me keys to the freakin place. Me.
I did all those things. And know what else? I raised just a tiny bit of hell along the way...
You see, having navigated my way to another town to work was thought of as pretty unorthodoxed at the time. I had more friends and more fun at this institution than at any other point in my life! Those saps, er, “beloved classmates” at New Prague High School had no idea what they were missing...
I’m lovin’ it.
As I contemplate a new career, I will never forget the lessons I learned from my first management job, however, if I were to do fast food again, there are things that would likely be different:
Then:
Burley construction guy with a likeness to Larry the Cable Guy comes in and orders two Quarter Pounders with Cheese, Super Size fries, and large coke. I cheerfully comply and am sure to remind him that he forgot dessert and would he “like an apple pie with that”?
Now:
I pull out the nutritional guide and kindly point out that he just ordered 1,832 calories, 78 grams of fat, and would he “like a heart attack with that”?
Then:
My newfound friends (sans the hunk) and I sit in the parking lot after close until 3:30am, all the while dear ‘ol Mom thinks it really does take that long to clean the place up.
Now:
At 3:30 am my alarm is going off. I have been asleep for at least 6 hours.
Then:
A “little tiny bit” of underage beer drinking in aforementioned parking lot
Now:
Beer is about as appealing to me as a good cup of battery acid.
Then:
I ate red meat.
Now:
I’ve seen what’s in a Big Mac. I won’t go there.
Then:
Found a “few” boys I worked with worthy of kissing in the
parking lot…. :-O
Now:
Husband would frown on such activities.
Then:
I forgot your fries.
Now:
I forgot your name.
Then:
I worked nights and weekends, putting up with demanding and whining customers and co-workers...
Now:
I work nights and weekends, putting up with demanding and whining kids who think I exist to wait on them...
Would I go back?
No, but I want a drive thru speaker outside my house so that from the comfort of my living room I can yell to my kids to "stop fighting!", "be careful in the street!", "put down the ax!" or better yet, “time to eat!”
We’re going to Burger King...
;-)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
SLOOOW Progress is Progress none the less
It's a SLOW week in job land. Why? Every working stiff is out of the office! HR can't post new jobs when HR is taking the week off...
Next week should see more traffic.
This lul in activity is fine with me. It gives me a chance to get some on-line jobs applied for that I've been putting off. You never know when they're just going to recess back into their black hole, so I like to get them done in the first few days of seeing them.
If light can't escape a black hole, what fate does my resume hold?! :-)
Last week I spent some time networking. I finally talked to the recruiter at the Hartford, we had a good phone conversation, so I'm hopeful that now I'm more recognizable to her when she sees that I posted for any jobs there, which coincidentally I DID today, for a Team Leader position, (the manager who manages "people" :-) So maybe I can move to the top of the heap having already made it past one gate keeper.
I also connected with a few former colleagues who are clients of the outplacement service. Some have found jobs, some have not. One fellow agreed to meet with me to talk about his journey after being downsized, and how he landed at, where else, "The Hartford"! Yeah! So I will meet with him tomorrow or next week. (Poor fellow apparently doesn't get the week off, being the "new guy" and all.)
And in the true spirit of recession proof jobs, (those being health care and GARBAGE. People will always have garbage...right??), I applied for an Operations Manager position at Waste Management in Burnsville. I figured I'd be only one of very few applicants, as they say occasionally you have to ride along with the trucks and start your day at 2 am. Apparently, there is much analysis to be done watching a driver do his route, and my job would be to find operational efficiencies, etc. (The only thing I'm finding at 2 am is a freakin 24 hour Starbucks...)
2 am is not a problem per se... I can get up at 2 am, I just can't stay up until 2 am.
Last week I also had a recruiter contact me about an Operations Manager position in a printing/manufacturing industry. They didn't so much care out the technical aspect, (I know financial services, not printing presses!) but more on the leadership competencies. We had a half hour phone interview and I will hear next Monday if she's going to send me into the company for an interview with "The Prez".
And finally, I went down to New Prague today to meet with and old friend of mine who is an assistant VP at a small town community bank to find out more about the world of banking. She said she loves her job, it's multi-faceted, and she wears a variety of hats in a fast-paced environment and that no day is like the one before. It sounds just like my old job! So, my instinct to possibly pursue a banking leadership position was solidified by our meeting, I was glad I got in touch with her.
So, I've been chipping away! This concludes my BORING update, but it's the nature of the beast, or the turkey, as the case may be.
And now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Target. This time: tin foil
;-)
Next week should see more traffic.
This lul in activity is fine with me. It gives me a chance to get some on-line jobs applied for that I've been putting off. You never know when they're just going to recess back into their black hole, so I like to get them done in the first few days of seeing them.
If light can't escape a black hole, what fate does my resume hold?! :-)
Last week I spent some time networking. I finally talked to the recruiter at the Hartford, we had a good phone conversation, so I'm hopeful that now I'm more recognizable to her when she sees that I posted for any jobs there, which coincidentally I DID today, for a Team Leader position, (the manager who manages "people" :-) So maybe I can move to the top of the heap having already made it past one gate keeper.
I also connected with a few former colleagues who are clients of the outplacement service. Some have found jobs, some have not. One fellow agreed to meet with me to talk about his journey after being downsized, and how he landed at, where else, "The Hartford"! Yeah! So I will meet with him tomorrow or next week. (Poor fellow apparently doesn't get the week off, being the "new guy" and all.)
And in the true spirit of recession proof jobs, (those being health care and GARBAGE. People will always have garbage...right??), I applied for an Operations Manager position at Waste Management in Burnsville. I figured I'd be only one of very few applicants, as they say occasionally you have to ride along with the trucks and start your day at 2 am. Apparently, there is much analysis to be done watching a driver do his route, and my job would be to find operational efficiencies, etc. (The only thing I'm finding at 2 am is a freakin 24 hour Starbucks...)
2 am is not a problem per se... I can get up at 2 am, I just can't stay up until 2 am.
Last week I also had a recruiter contact me about an Operations Manager position in a printing/manufacturing industry. They didn't so much care out the technical aspect, (I know financial services, not printing presses!) but more on the leadership competencies. We had a half hour phone interview and I will hear next Monday if she's going to send me into the company for an interview with "The Prez".
And finally, I went down to New Prague today to meet with and old friend of mine who is an assistant VP at a small town community bank to find out more about the world of banking. She said she loves her job, it's multi-faceted, and she wears a variety of hats in a fast-paced environment and that no day is like the one before. It sounds just like my old job! So, my instinct to possibly pursue a banking leadership position was solidified by our meeting, I was glad I got in touch with her.
So, I've been chipping away! This concludes my BORING update, but it's the nature of the beast, or the turkey, as the case may be.
And now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Target. This time: tin foil
;-)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Cool is as cool does...
Losing one’s job is, well, not cool. Through this process I have tried to see the positives that have come out of the demise of my employment, and have come up with my own “Top 5 reasons being at home is cool”, David Letterman style:
#5 Mail Call
Not in a long time has such an event made my heart race with anticipation. Every day I await the credit card offers: “Take that much deserved vacation with this 1 Million Dollar credit line” (I feel like busting out the Crayola's and colorfully accepting their offer.) The pizza coupons, the magazine subscriptions: “Danger, this is your last notice, DO NOT LET YOUR SUBSCRIPTION EXPIRE” as though a detriment equaling bodily harm will be inflicted sure as the sun is going to rise. Oh, and who doesn't love the Laser Hair Removal offer, OMG a little presumptuous???
My only problem with the mail? Not a job offer in the whole worthless pile. But I am holding out for the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. After all, "I Could Already Be A Winner" !!!!
#4 The Uninterrupted Lunch
Any cube-dwelling, lunch-eating working stiff can appreciate the lunch at your desk that goes uninterrupted. The consummate multi-tasker, I usually had a utensil in one hand and my mouse in the other. Then the phone rings. It’s someone 2 aisles down. Do I pick up? No, I have just stuffed my face with yet another forkful, and besides, who wants to be interrupted during lunch?! Then, the tap on the shoulder. DAMN. Chump who called me just showed up at my desk! BUSTED! Now am I not only still chewing, I likely have lettuce in my teeth AND I have to stop eating to help said chump, (I mean, beloved co-worker!!!)
Not so at home. Like when the phone rang at lunch time during the presidential campaign. When the Democratic Party called, naturally the call went unanswered. Did Barack Obama show up and tap me on the shoulder? HELL NO! Now, truly, ignorance is bliss.
#3 Happy Hour starts at…
Let’s see here, since Happy Hour never has to end per se, let’s just say that Happy Hour is now available 24/7. It has no start and no end, kind of like the universe. The Price is Right at 10 am BEGS a big ol mug of Kahlua laden coffee… It makes looking at Drew Carey for an hour a little more bearable...
#2 Unparalleled Privacy
Happiness is, not having to have personal, albeit needed, phone conversations from “The Cube”.
For example, the appointment making for the, er, “womanly doctor appointment” use to go something like this:
“Such and such clinic, may I help you?”
(whispering) “Er, yes, need to make an appointment for fjeoawjfeoijaofijadf”
“Excuse me, I didn’t get that, you need what?”
“Um, I need my lkaflkdjfsdojfdsaf”
“You’re gonna have to speak up”
(now “whisper shouting”) “I need my annual jfelkj;ofje”
“Excuse me, did you say you need the cap off your beer??”
“NO DAMMIT! I said I need a FREAKIN' PAP SMEAR!”
As my two (female thankfully) co-workers raised their heads above their own cubes to snicker at my attempt at this most private conversation, it was clear that I needed an office with a door. (That, or to be a man, but that would present a whole other realm of challenges I'm not up for at this time... )
Not so at home. I can run rampant through the house screaming my entire gynecological vocabulary any time!! How cool is that?!
And the #1 cool thing about being at home is of course…
The extra sleep. Though, I do need to crank down the Sleep Number.
Seems it’s set at “coma”.
;-)
#5 Mail Call
Not in a long time has such an event made my heart race with anticipation. Every day I await the credit card offers: “Take that much deserved vacation with this 1 Million Dollar credit line” (I feel like busting out the Crayola's and colorfully accepting their offer.) The pizza coupons, the magazine subscriptions: “Danger, this is your last notice, DO NOT LET YOUR SUBSCRIPTION EXPIRE” as though a detriment equaling bodily harm will be inflicted sure as the sun is going to rise. Oh, and who doesn't love the Laser Hair Removal offer, OMG a little presumptuous???
My only problem with the mail? Not a job offer in the whole worthless pile. But I am holding out for the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. After all, "I Could Already Be A Winner" !!!!
#4 The Uninterrupted Lunch
Any cube-dwelling, lunch-eating working stiff can appreciate the lunch at your desk that goes uninterrupted. The consummate multi-tasker, I usually had a utensil in one hand and my mouse in the other. Then the phone rings. It’s someone 2 aisles down. Do I pick up? No, I have just stuffed my face with yet another forkful, and besides, who wants to be interrupted during lunch?! Then, the tap on the shoulder. DAMN. Chump who called me just showed up at my desk! BUSTED! Now am I not only still chewing, I likely have lettuce in my teeth AND I have to stop eating to help said chump, (I mean, beloved co-worker!!!)
Not so at home. Like when the phone rang at lunch time during the presidential campaign. When the Democratic Party called, naturally the call went unanswered. Did Barack Obama show up and tap me on the shoulder? HELL NO! Now, truly, ignorance is bliss.
#3 Happy Hour starts at…
Let’s see here, since Happy Hour never has to end per se, let’s just say that Happy Hour is now available 24/7. It has no start and no end, kind of like the universe. The Price is Right at 10 am BEGS a big ol mug of Kahlua laden coffee… It makes looking at Drew Carey for an hour a little more bearable...
#2 Unparalleled Privacy
Happiness is, not having to have personal, albeit needed, phone conversations from “The Cube”.
For example, the appointment making for the, er, “womanly doctor appointment” use to go something like this:
“Such and such clinic, may I help you?”
(whispering) “Er, yes, need to make an appointment for fjeoawjfeoijaofijadf”
“Excuse me, I didn’t get that, you need what?”
“Um, I need my lkaflkdjfsdojfdsaf”
“You’re gonna have to speak up”
(now “whisper shouting”) “I need my annual jfelkj;ofje”
“Excuse me, did you say you need the cap off your beer??”
“NO DAMMIT! I said I need a FREAKIN' PAP SMEAR!”
As my two (female thankfully) co-workers raised their heads above their own cubes to snicker at my attempt at this most private conversation, it was clear that I needed an office with a door. (That, or to be a man, but that would present a whole other realm of challenges I'm not up for at this time... )
Not so at home. I can run rampant through the house screaming my entire gynecological vocabulary any time!! How cool is that?!
And the #1 cool thing about being at home is of course…
The extra sleep. Though, I do need to crank down the Sleep Number.
Seems it’s set at “coma”.
;-)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Working for the Weekend
Working full time use to mean that the weekends were this sacred 48 hours that I had to say, be with my kids, dork around the house, clean the basement (!), but now since being home, it begs the question that I’ve pondered for awhile of people who are out of work, mom’s or dads who have the hard job of staying home with their kids etc, and that is, is there REALLY a difference between “The Week” and “The Weekend” when you’re home 24/7?
There use to be a HUGE difference. The "week" was when I had that evil commute and worked with people who were, let's face it..."evil". Not all mind you, I did LOOOOOVE most everyone I worked with. Oh, and how about the evil new signage above the revolving door on my first day back after the “notice of my demise”:
“Dreams Start Here”
THAT, my friends, is evil.
The week use to be when I sat in a cubicle daydreaming about what it would be like to be at HOME, or SHOPPING, or EATING, (oh wait, I did that in my cube, as evidenced by the countless times I had to take a screwdriver to my keyboard to chop out the crouton and cookies remnants...)
Now it all flows, day to day… to day… to day… to long, drawn out ….day.
Ok, not totally true. Most days go pretty fast, way faster than they ever did sitting in "The Cube". Is that what happens when you do not rise at 4:30 am? Is that what happens when the house is quiet all day except for the excruciating chainsaw buzz of the dog’s sleep apnea? Is that what happens when you get to waste an hour of your life watching “The Young and the Restless”?
Having trouble differentiating between the week and the weekend might just be because I’m a fanatic about finding a job. (Although, this sleeping thing…MAN I do love it…) I went through the whole weekend thinking “uh, there are my files, there is the laptop, there are the chocolate chips…LET'S GO!” I never would have considered THINKING about my old job on the weekend, much less trying to “do” my job on a Sunday afternoon. Not that thoughts of my job didn’t haunt me in the middle of the night, as I woke up in a cold-sweat repeating “it was only a dream, it was only a dream”…
I suppose I need to just let it go when the weekend rolls around. Like when Leah wanted to sit on my lap on Saturday, and I’m like, “uh, no, networking here….”. How bad is that? Or when secretly I wondered, “Does the church have Wi-Fi?” No? DAMN! :-)
Other than feeling like I’m working overtime and not getting paid time and a half…(hell, at this point I’m just happy to be paid), I’m continuing to work on my marketing plan and networking strategies. I talked to The Hartford in Hartford. As I suspected when I applied, they were looking for “A Manager who managed Managers”. What? I managed people, not managers, so they “passed”, BUT, Hartford CT, sent my resume and credentials to the recruiter in Bloomington MN to consider me for future “Manager who manages people” opportunities, and THAT is networking at its finest!
And with the help of my outplacement service, I contacted with 22 former colleagues via e-mail, (the reason Leah had to wait 2 hours to sit on my lap...) who were downsized from the same company where I spent 13 years of MY life, to hear how they’re doing. 6 got back to me so far, 3 have found jobs. Alas there is hope for all us overworked non-working stiffs! And the best quote I can give right now, from Tom, former colleague:
“Bridget,
Congratulations! You are now a member of a select group of outstanding people who have been cast aside by ____________. Now your life can finally begin!”
I asked him if he wanted to form a “Disgruntled Sarcastic Cynical Job Loss Support Group”.
I’d be the president of course.
;-)
There use to be a HUGE difference. The "week" was when I had that evil commute and worked with people who were, let's face it..."evil". Not all mind you, I did LOOOOOVE most everyone I worked with. Oh, and how about the evil new signage above the revolving door on my first day back after the “notice of my demise”:
“Dreams Start Here”
THAT, my friends, is evil.
The week use to be when I sat in a cubicle daydreaming about what it would be like to be at HOME, or SHOPPING, or EATING, (oh wait, I did that in my cube, as evidenced by the countless times I had to take a screwdriver to my keyboard to chop out the crouton and cookies remnants...)
Now it all flows, day to day… to day… to day… to long, drawn out ….day.
Ok, not totally true. Most days go pretty fast, way faster than they ever did sitting in "The Cube". Is that what happens when you do not rise at 4:30 am? Is that what happens when the house is quiet all day except for the excruciating chainsaw buzz of the dog’s sleep apnea? Is that what happens when you get to waste an hour of your life watching “The Young and the Restless”?
Having trouble differentiating between the week and the weekend might just be because I’m a fanatic about finding a job. (Although, this sleeping thing…MAN I do love it…) I went through the whole weekend thinking “uh, there are my files, there is the laptop, there are the chocolate chips…LET'S GO!” I never would have considered THINKING about my old job on the weekend, much less trying to “do” my job on a Sunday afternoon. Not that thoughts of my job didn’t haunt me in the middle of the night, as I woke up in a cold-sweat repeating “it was only a dream, it was only a dream”…
I suppose I need to just let it go when the weekend rolls around. Like when Leah wanted to sit on my lap on Saturday, and I’m like, “uh, no, networking here….”. How bad is that? Or when secretly I wondered, “Does the church have Wi-Fi?” No? DAMN! :-)
Other than feeling like I’m working overtime and not getting paid time and a half…(hell, at this point I’m just happy to be paid), I’m continuing to work on my marketing plan and networking strategies. I talked to The Hartford in Hartford. As I suspected when I applied, they were looking for “A Manager who managed Managers”. What? I managed people, not managers, so they “passed”, BUT, Hartford CT, sent my resume and credentials to the recruiter in Bloomington MN to consider me for future “Manager who manages people” opportunities, and THAT is networking at its finest!
And with the help of my outplacement service, I contacted with 22 former colleagues via e-mail, (the reason Leah had to wait 2 hours to sit on my lap...) who were downsized from the same company where I spent 13 years of MY life, to hear how they’re doing. 6 got back to me so far, 3 have found jobs. Alas there is hope for all us overworked non-working stiffs! And the best quote I can give right now, from Tom, former colleague:
“Bridget,
Congratulations! You are now a member of a select group of outstanding people who have been cast aside by ____________. Now your life can finally begin!”
I asked him if he wanted to form a “Disgruntled Sarcastic Cynical Job Loss Support Group”.
I’d be the president of course.
;-)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Productivity is a State of Mind
Since this blog is intended to keep you up to speed on my job search, I do surmise I should devote a little time to that subject, rather than, say, poking fun at my husband and his "stuff". (I'll do that more next week...)
Let's recap the last two weeks shall we??
*8 oz cups of coffee drank: About 74 (that is not a typo...)
*Number of visits to my outplacement service: Exactly 2
*Number of jobs applied for on-line: About 6
*Number of profiles set up with my target companies: About 14
*How many jobs I got: About Zero
Looking back, Week 1 was not very productive. Except for that Saran Wrap issue I got taken care of. But my lack of productivity was okay. It was a great week to sleep, spend every morning with my girls, take a deep breath, and figure out what the hell is going on.
Here we are at the end of Week 2! And thank goodness because after this "informational update" I can go back to being cynical and sarcastic again...
This week I did a lot of research and developed a list of "target companies" that I might want to work at. I really have no right to be choosy at this point, but I did choose them selectively, based on the industry and their proximity to home. For you see, there are great lengths I will go to to be employed, driving to say, Connecticut every day isn't one of them.
My outplacement service is a big fan of networking. The progress you can make in job search via networking is pretty compelling. They say about 70% of jobs are gotten through networking. So, my activites this week have focused on laying the foundation of getting my network in place. And who do you ask is my network? My network is anyone I know, (except maybe that creepy guy who works the meat counter at Cub....)
When I pondered the people I know, be they family, relatives, friends, neighbors, and former colleagues, I was sure it would be a short list. (Ok, except for maybe my relatives, because let's face it, these are people who had a LOT of babies...as though they'd feel responsible for the extinction of the human race...)
When I sat down and started listing everyone I knew who might know someone who works at one of the companies I'm targeting (sounds like I'm a stalker...) the list grew long. Then I considered that I could ask former colleages to engage their spouses or family members on my hunt (ok, maybe now I am stalking...) and the list grew larger still. By the time I was done, I identified over 250 people whom I should stalk.
Perhaps I'll bring them cupcakes. Will that help?
So there you have it. My network. The people who might know someone, and BAM, I'm suddenly "on the inside". From there I stalk, er, meet people in that company until I get to a recruiter or hiring manager. And the company need not have an opening. Just getting my name and skills in front of anyone inside that company doubles my chances because they'll think of me when an opening occurs. So if you're reading this, I will stalk you too...
Oh, and this week I moved my entire set up to the kitchen counter. Perhaps that is another reason I was more productive. And this after I was insistant that I spend $100 on a new desk for the upstairs bedroom on craigslist ( I TOLD you craigslist is more fun...)
I'm quite sure that my productivity increase can be directly related to my proximity to the chocolate chips.
The downside of being productive? I discovered the answer 60+ minutes into my workout this morning. I sniffed, wondering, what IS that strange odor....this stench entering my nostrils...?
"What the.... What is that funk???"
Looking around for its source, I found no one else to blame but moi.
Then it hit me. I hadn't showered in two days.
Who had time???
What's a funky girl to do? For the first time in my life, I followed the directions on the shampoo bottle. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
;-)
Let's recap the last two weeks shall we??
*8 oz cups of coffee drank: About 74 (that is not a typo...)
*Number of visits to my outplacement service: Exactly 2
*Number of jobs applied for on-line: About 6
*Number of profiles set up with my target companies: About 14
*How many jobs I got: About Zero
Looking back, Week 1 was not very productive. Except for that Saran Wrap issue I got taken care of. But my lack of productivity was okay. It was a great week to sleep, spend every morning with my girls, take a deep breath, and figure out what the hell is going on.
Here we are at the end of Week 2! And thank goodness because after this "informational update" I can go back to being cynical and sarcastic again...
This week I did a lot of research and developed a list of "target companies" that I might want to work at. I really have no right to be choosy at this point, but I did choose them selectively, based on the industry and their proximity to home. For you see, there are great lengths I will go to to be employed, driving to say, Connecticut every day isn't one of them.
My outplacement service is a big fan of networking. The progress you can make in job search via networking is pretty compelling. They say about 70% of jobs are gotten through networking. So, my activites this week have focused on laying the foundation of getting my network in place. And who do you ask is my network? My network is anyone I know, (except maybe that creepy guy who works the meat counter at Cub....)
When I pondered the people I know, be they family, relatives, friends, neighbors, and former colleagues, I was sure it would be a short list. (Ok, except for maybe my relatives, because let's face it, these are people who had a LOT of babies...as though they'd feel responsible for the extinction of the human race...)
When I sat down and started listing everyone I knew who might know someone who works at one of the companies I'm targeting (sounds like I'm a stalker...) the list grew long. Then I considered that I could ask former colleages to engage their spouses or family members on my hunt (ok, maybe now I am stalking...) and the list grew larger still. By the time I was done, I identified over 250 people whom I should stalk.
Perhaps I'll bring them cupcakes. Will that help?
So there you have it. My network. The people who might know someone, and BAM, I'm suddenly "on the inside". From there I stalk, er, meet people in that company until I get to a recruiter or hiring manager. And the company need not have an opening. Just getting my name and skills in front of anyone inside that company doubles my chances because they'll think of me when an opening occurs. So if you're reading this, I will stalk you too...
Oh, and this week I moved my entire set up to the kitchen counter. Perhaps that is another reason I was more productive. And this after I was insistant that I spend $100 on a new desk for the upstairs bedroom on craigslist ( I TOLD you craigslist is more fun...)
I'm quite sure that my productivity increase can be directly related to my proximity to the chocolate chips.
The downside of being productive? I discovered the answer 60+ minutes into my workout this morning. I sniffed, wondering, what IS that strange odor....this stench entering my nostrils...?
"What the.... What is that funk???"
Looking around for its source, I found no one else to blame but moi.
Then it hit me. I hadn't showered in two days.
Who had time???
What's a funky girl to do? For the first time in my life, I followed the directions on the shampoo bottle. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
;-)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Challange
A dinner conversation a few nights ago got onto of all topics, garage sales. I am neither for nor against the concept of the garage sale. My mother on the other hand…don’t get me started. Girl can work a garage sale like nobody’s business. She buys the “stuff” and turns it for a profit, and does so sans E-Bay. (That she has just learned how to dial out on her cell phone, we will not be introducing computer technology to her at this time...)
My dear family seems to think our basement is in need of a garage sale. The challenge? If I don’t have a job by May, I am to organize the mother-a** of all garage sales. And not only would said garage sale include our stuff, but we would invite relatives and neighbors to partake as well. Gee, I can’t think of any better way to spend my time than organizing a garage sale for our junk AND the junk of our beloved friends and family! Do you think I should maybe focus on, say, …finding a job??!!
I am not a collector of stuff. If an item is not of use to me I find a way to get it out of my house. I have gone to great lengths to rid my life of "stuff". Clutter makes me mental. Ok, more mental… So, what is it that is cluttering our basement? Again, I do not have items I do not want; therefore, the clutter in the basement must belong to other people who live here.
A chance to get rid of “stuff”? Hmmm…sounds like a win/win. And bonus, there are many skills I might acquire that could be resume worthy:
"Organized crap into appealing piles"
"Generated Revenue of $43.51" (this after spending 3 days organizing and 2 days sitting in my garage? Now who’s the lucky SOB?!)
"Negotiation Skills"– “No I will NOT take 20 cents for that, I said 25 cents firm dammit!!”
"Customer Service Skills" – “Let me carry this to your car for you before you change your mind…”
GAME ON!!
Our first item up for bids: DOGS PLAYING CARDS
This tapestry eye-sore and I were first introduced in June 1996, as I observed it prominently displayed in the living room of Dan’s Burnsville apartment. (Yes, you read right, the living room). When Dan moved, it moved with him (kinda like that odor I can't get out of my gym shorts...) First to Hopkins, then to Worthington. Its prominence however was banned to the bedroom on these subsequent moves, not that I uh, er…never mind.
When we set down roots at our first house together in Savage, “The Hounds” came along of course. Being a new bride, I was sure that if I said I didn’t want said hounds in my new house that I could just give the ring back and he would ceremoniously carry the tapestry across the threshold instead of me. Since I bought the house without him ever even looking at it, I suppose I owed him that much.
Thankfully The Hounds only ever hung in the garage. Every morning getting into my car, I looked at those dogs…that bulldog, the trump card in his paw he was hiding under the table…mocking me...so smug they were with their cigars, probably talking trash...
On what would be our final move to date, to Shakopee, those poker playing pooches quietly made their way to the basement and are currently folded up in a heap of ..."stuff".
Garage Sale? Perhaps we shall “Let sleeping dogs lie”
Dan needn’t worry. I’ll have a job by May...
You want fries with that?
;-)
My dear family seems to think our basement is in need of a garage sale. The challenge? If I don’t have a job by May, I am to organize the mother-a** of all garage sales. And not only would said garage sale include our stuff, but we would invite relatives and neighbors to partake as well. Gee, I can’t think of any better way to spend my time than organizing a garage sale for our junk AND the junk of our beloved friends and family! Do you think I should maybe focus on, say, …finding a job??!!
I am not a collector of stuff. If an item is not of use to me I find a way to get it out of my house. I have gone to great lengths to rid my life of "stuff". Clutter makes me mental. Ok, more mental… So, what is it that is cluttering our basement? Again, I do not have items I do not want; therefore, the clutter in the basement must belong to other people who live here.
A chance to get rid of “stuff”? Hmmm…sounds like a win/win. And bonus, there are many skills I might acquire that could be resume worthy:
"Organized crap into appealing piles"
"Generated Revenue of $43.51" (this after spending 3 days organizing and 2 days sitting in my garage? Now who’s the lucky SOB?!)
"Negotiation Skills"– “No I will NOT take 20 cents for that, I said 25 cents firm dammit!!”
"Customer Service Skills" – “Let me carry this to your car for you before you change your mind…”
GAME ON!!
Our first item up for bids: DOGS PLAYING CARDS
This tapestry eye-sore and I were first introduced in June 1996, as I observed it prominently displayed in the living room of Dan’s Burnsville apartment. (Yes, you read right, the living room). When Dan moved, it moved with him (kinda like that odor I can't get out of my gym shorts...) First to Hopkins, then to Worthington. Its prominence however was banned to the bedroom on these subsequent moves, not that I uh, er…never mind.
When we set down roots at our first house together in Savage, “The Hounds” came along of course. Being a new bride, I was sure that if I said I didn’t want said hounds in my new house that I could just give the ring back and he would ceremoniously carry the tapestry across the threshold instead of me. Since I bought the house without him ever even looking at it, I suppose I owed him that much.
Thankfully The Hounds only ever hung in the garage. Every morning getting into my car, I looked at those dogs…that bulldog, the trump card in his paw he was hiding under the table…mocking me...so smug they were with their cigars, probably talking trash...
On what would be our final move to date, to Shakopee, those poker playing pooches quietly made their way to the basement and are currently folded up in a heap of ..."stuff".
Garage Sale? Perhaps we shall “Let sleeping dogs lie”
Dan needn’t worry. I’ll have a job by May...
You want fries with that?
;-)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday Came and Went...
with no rejection. Hooray!
But alas, it is now Tuesday, and I got word on the Operations Manager position I interviewed for almost 2 weeks ago. That would be a "no".
OMG what happened?!
I got the "we feel you're VERY qualified blah blah blah, and encourage you to apply for other openings in the future blah blah blah..." They said the candidate they chose had more experience with outsourcing. Considering that the most I know about India is that Apu on The Simpsons is from there, I suppose their point was valid.
They're a good company, and I still want to work there. (Heck, I still want to work anywhere, except maybe, Radio Shack...) So, they will remain on my target list.
Oh, and seeing as how the person I interviewed with told me she was putting in 14 hour days, sometimes staying until midnight, well, maybe this was God's Plan that this wasn't the right job. (When would I do all my sleeping ??!) :-)
With that bad news behind me, get this: I get home from the gym this morning, (oh, and by the way, the people I'm now "regulars" with at the gym deserve their whole own blog entry. THAT will be good humor...) Where was I...oh yeah, so I get home from the gym and there is a message from "Gretchen" at The Hartford Insurance Group, calling all the way from merry 'ol New England! Hartford Connecticut to be exact...that would be where the "Hartford" in "The Hartford" comes from, get it?? (Dan didn't at first, but he sells paint and beer, so I'm cutting him some slack...)
I posted my profile on the Hartford website yesterday and applied for a position with their Long Term Disability group in Bloomington MN. (That commute to Connecticut would be a b*tch wouldn't it?...)
So BAM, the next day they're calling me up "very interested" in talking to me.
If the job involves India, I'm set, for I have now memorized Apu's last name, which is "Nahasapeemapetilon"
Is that enough?
;-)
But alas, it is now Tuesday, and I got word on the Operations Manager position I interviewed for almost 2 weeks ago. That would be a "no".
OMG what happened?!
I got the "we feel you're VERY qualified blah blah blah, and encourage you to apply for other openings in the future blah blah blah..." They said the candidate they chose had more experience with outsourcing. Considering that the most I know about India is that Apu on The Simpsons is from there, I suppose their point was valid.
They're a good company, and I still want to work there. (Heck, I still want to work anywhere, except maybe, Radio Shack...) So, they will remain on my target list.
Oh, and seeing as how the person I interviewed with told me she was putting in 14 hour days, sometimes staying until midnight, well, maybe this was God's Plan that this wasn't the right job. (When would I do all my sleeping ??!) :-)
With that bad news behind me, get this: I get home from the gym this morning, (oh, and by the way, the people I'm now "regulars" with at the gym deserve their whole own blog entry. THAT will be good humor...) Where was I...oh yeah, so I get home from the gym and there is a message from "Gretchen" at The Hartford Insurance Group, calling all the way from merry 'ol New England! Hartford Connecticut to be exact...that would be where the "Hartford" in "The Hartford" comes from, get it?? (Dan didn't at first, but he sells paint and beer, so I'm cutting him some slack...)
I posted my profile on the Hartford website yesterday and applied for a position with their Long Term Disability group in Bloomington MN. (That commute to Connecticut would be a b*tch wouldn't it?...)
So BAM, the next day they're calling me up "very interested" in talking to me.
If the job involves India, I'm set, for I have now memorized Apu's last name, which is "Nahasapeemapetilon"
Is that enough?
;-)
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Divine Intervention
The girls and I went to church today. Getting situated after Communion, Leah starts crabbing, and I ask her what's wrong. "I wanted a chip!" she says.
URGR8 & I LUV U, UR MY BFF- CUL8R!!
Ok maybe He wouldn't like that OMG part....
Either way, I will continue to give thanks for all the many blessings I have! And I'll try to explain to Leah the difference between Communion and Pringles.
Now where is that brownie mix...
I talk to God a lot these days, both in and out of church. "God has a plan, and I trust in Him". I find that comforting. I also find comfort in oh say, a pan of brownies, but this is different. As I see it, there are two possible plans He has for me:
Option 1 - Get a job right away and I go back to only getting 8 hours of sleep vs 10, I buy ground coffee, and my resilient girls go back to getting up at 6 am.
Option 2 - He'll have me ride this out until my last severance check arrives in the mail next June, at which time I'll land a fabulous new job. My neck will be so stiff from sleeping in I'll have to go on short term disability. My girls will have enjoyed having a Full Time Mom on duty 24/7.
If I could ask God via a text message:
OMG HOW R U 2DAY? WHAT UP W/THE JOB?!URGR8 & I LUV U, UR MY BFF- CUL8R!!
Ok maybe He wouldn't like that OMG part....
Either way, I will continue to give thanks for all the many blessings I have! And I'll try to explain to Leah the difference between Communion and Pringles.
Now where is that brownie mix...
Friday, November 7, 2008
Computer Rejected Me
Today was a great day, as I didn't get out of bed until close to 7 am. That's like 10 hours of sleep I had. Granted, my neck was so stiff I could barely roll myself out of said bed. That's the occupational hazard of being out of work and sleeping too long.... Nothing 5 Advil and a pot of coffee didn't cure.
Got my first "We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for this position" e-mail tonight for a job I posted for on Wednesday. I'm guessing I didn't use the right "buzz words" on my stuff so I was officially a computer REJECT. Oh well. I shall not succumb! I will forge onward and make it my goal to get past the computer and be rejected by an actual human!!! :-)
Rejection as I see it is going to be, shall we say, the norm and not the exception? But you know, by getting use to the rejection, I'll be a stronger person, and when that offer of an interview, or heaven help me, a JOB comes in, it will make that success all the sweeter.
I connected with an old colleague today at another financial services company, he was SUPER nice and agreed to put in good words to whomever he could for me. YEAH! Just goes to show, don't burn bridges because you NEVER KNOW whose a** you'll need in your corner.
Today I was home with the girls. We woke up to few inches of wet snow. By 9 am we had a snowman midget made, complete with Whoppers eyes and a Tootsie Roll nose. By noon he had fallen over and the dog ate his face.
We went to see Madagascar II, Leah's first movie in the theater. She lasted through about half of it, at which time she proceeded to want to crawl up and down the stairs with the "cool lights". Now THAT is a bacterial issue of epic proportions...
That's all for now. Whew! The weekend is here. No more rejection until Monday! Yippee!
(I'm going to add "Excels at Cynicism" to my resume...)
:-)
Got my first "We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for this position" e-mail tonight for a job I posted for on Wednesday. I'm guessing I didn't use the right "buzz words" on my stuff so I was officially a computer REJECT. Oh well. I shall not succumb! I will forge onward and make it my goal to get past the computer and be rejected by an actual human!!! :-)
Rejection as I see it is going to be, shall we say, the norm and not the exception? But you know, by getting use to the rejection, I'll be a stronger person, and when that offer of an interview, or heaven help me, a JOB comes in, it will make that success all the sweeter.
I connected with an old colleague today at another financial services company, he was SUPER nice and agreed to put in good words to whomever he could for me. YEAH! Just goes to show, don't burn bridges because you NEVER KNOW whose a** you'll need in your corner.
Today I was home with the girls. We woke up to few inches of wet snow. By 9 am we had a snowman midget made, complete with Whoppers eyes and a Tootsie Roll nose. By noon he had fallen over and the dog ate his face.
We went to see Madagascar II, Leah's first movie in the theater. She lasted through about half of it, at which time she proceeded to want to crawl up and down the stairs with the "cool lights". Now THAT is a bacterial issue of epic proportions...
That's all for now. Whew! The weekend is here. No more rejection until Monday! Yippee!
(I'm going to add "Excels at Cynicism" to my resume...)
:-)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Weather Sucks and So Does This
Yesterday I decided I was going to be productive. So I get up at 4:30 am, dog with eating disorder was VERY excited about that, to go to the gym, and I was home by 6:30 when Dan left. The WHOLE DAY ahead of me to be productive in my job search! Hooray!
So, kids get up and eat, blah blah blah, get everyone where they need to be and back home by 9 am to do some serious searching. Well, I searched, and I searched, and I searched until I was flat out mentally exhausted. I was bordering on whiny. Whining is SO not allowed in this house. Thankfully the dogs cannot tell on me...
I don't know if you've ever applied for jobs on-line, but let me share a little insight with you. Consider that when you hit "submit", your resume is taking off into the great unknown, and might as well fall into a black hole. At least, that's the way I was seeing things yesterday. Maybe this had to do with the weather just SUCKING and my mood as the day went on just SUCKING, but I seriously couldn't take one more minute. It was painful.
Every job you submit to on on-line is a little different than the last. Your resume is not a "one size fits all" tool. For every job there can be little nuances about your resume that you had better tailor and throw in those "buzz words" so some computer, (yes, you have to make it past a computer FIRST before getting to a human), will pick up on your qualifications and flag you as someone who might qualify. And the cover letter? Please. "I admire your company blah blah blah, and would like to work at your company blah blah blah"... Again, each cover letter needs to be tailor made to fit the job and speak to the qualifications they're looking for.
So, with FOUR hours in front of the computer, yesterday I submitted to TWO jobs. Would my every day normal distractions have anything to do with that? OF COURSE!! Lunch, soap opera, e-mail, going downstairs to shift old dog so her snoring does not cause damage to the floorboards....
So, did I learn something yesterday? Yes. DO NOT fall into the trap of spending hours and hours spinning your wheels on the Internet. Not only will you NOT be productive, you'll probably end up buying crap on craigslist because that is WAY more fun than looking for a freakin job.
Today was better. I had a better mindset. I did NOT get up at 4:30, but rather 6:45. I dorked around all morning with the girls, I went to the gym when normal people do, I worked out HARD, (I'm getting paid to do that after all...) and back home for a few hours of setting up profiles on some of my target companies websites. At least a profile "sticks" and isn't just sucked up by the forces of evil. Monday I'll be back to working with my outplacement service, thank GOD because they'll keep me productive AND teach me how not to waste my time.
And thus this ends my first week, as tomorrow the kiddos are home with me, and despite the SUCKY weather, we're going to do something fun, and I'm going to grind the beans and forget all my worries until Monday. And thanks to what I learned yesterday, it won't suck.
So, kids get up and eat, blah blah blah, get everyone where they need to be and back home by 9 am to do some serious searching. Well, I searched, and I searched, and I searched until I was flat out mentally exhausted. I was bordering on whiny. Whining is SO not allowed in this house. Thankfully the dogs cannot tell on me...
I don't know if you've ever applied for jobs on-line, but let me share a little insight with you. Consider that when you hit "submit", your resume is taking off into the great unknown, and might as well fall into a black hole. At least, that's the way I was seeing things yesterday. Maybe this had to do with the weather just SUCKING and my mood as the day went on just SUCKING, but I seriously couldn't take one more minute. It was painful.
Every job you submit to on on-line is a little different than the last. Your resume is not a "one size fits all" tool. For every job there can be little nuances about your resume that you had better tailor and throw in those "buzz words" so some computer, (yes, you have to make it past a computer FIRST before getting to a human), will pick up on your qualifications and flag you as someone who might qualify. And the cover letter? Please. "I admire your company blah blah blah, and would like to work at your company blah blah blah"... Again, each cover letter needs to be tailor made to fit the job and speak to the qualifications they're looking for.
So, with FOUR hours in front of the computer, yesterday I submitted to TWO jobs. Would my every day normal distractions have anything to do with that? OF COURSE!! Lunch, soap opera, e-mail, going downstairs to shift old dog so her snoring does not cause damage to the floorboards....
So, did I learn something yesterday? Yes. DO NOT fall into the trap of spending hours and hours spinning your wheels on the Internet. Not only will you NOT be productive, you'll probably end up buying crap on craigslist because that is WAY more fun than looking for a freakin job.
Today was better. I had a better mindset. I did NOT get up at 4:30, but rather 6:45. I dorked around all morning with the girls, I went to the gym when normal people do, I worked out HARD, (I'm getting paid to do that after all...) and back home for a few hours of setting up profiles on some of my target companies websites. At least a profile "sticks" and isn't just sucked up by the forces of evil. Monday I'll be back to working with my outplacement service, thank GOD because they'll keep me productive AND teach me how not to waste my time.
And thus this ends my first week, as tomorrow the kiddos are home with me, and despite the SUCKY weather, we're going to do something fun, and I'm going to grind the beans and forget all my worries until Monday. And thanks to what I learned yesterday, it won't suck.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Day Two
Day Two.
I liken this staying home thing to being at home caring for a newborn. You have these grandiose plans to oh, clean windows (again), or walk the dog, or bake cookies, or....look for a job.
The grand plans for today fell by the wayside, and what makes it worse? I'm running on a full nights sleep and I don't have a newborn, so I really have no excuses.
I spent an hour on the phone setting up my on-line brokerage account, (got a stock tip from smart brother and I'm going for it...), blasted an e-mail to relatives about the 3rd Annual Barten Thanksgiving Day walk, (Noreen is bringing the mimosa's....) and BAM, there it was, 4 pm already.
OH, and I voted. God in heaven, whoever our new leader is, let him lead us out of this mess and lead us out of war and lead me into a new job soon, Amen!
I DID manage to get an on-line application and resume sent off to KleinBank, located in Chaska (yeah, very close to home!) for a Branch Administrative Manager. Me run a bank? Why not. I'm quite sure it would involve being more productive than I was today however...
I shouldn't say I was completely worthless...in addition to the bank thing, I set up my Monster.com so now I can get another slew of jobs that I'm not interested in sent to me each day. But ya know what? Even if it's a job I wouldn't give to the dog, (all she knows how to do is eat and barf...) just seeing that there are actually companies hiring is kind of motivating to me, even if most of the jobs are for "Seasonal Employees needed at Radio Shack"!...
Oh, but here is worthless for you...Worthless is making Leah sit on the toilet to go potty. She is flat out refusing. Her stubbornness reminds me of Da.....uh, never mind. We made her sit for almost a half hour. I caved, she won, story of my life.
I have a plan for tomorrow, it includes being a little more productive than today, and then the next a little more than the day before. I do not plan however, that Leah will pee on the potty.
It is after all, only the end of Day Two. And I'm still loving grinding the beans....
I liken this staying home thing to being at home caring for a newborn. You have these grandiose plans to oh, clean windows (again), or walk the dog, or bake cookies, or....look for a job.
The grand plans for today fell by the wayside, and what makes it worse? I'm running on a full nights sleep and I don't have a newborn, so I really have no excuses.
I spent an hour on the phone setting up my on-line brokerage account, (got a stock tip from smart brother and I'm going for it...), blasted an e-mail to relatives about the 3rd Annual Barten Thanksgiving Day walk, (Noreen is bringing the mimosa's....) and BAM, there it was, 4 pm already.
OH, and I voted. God in heaven, whoever our new leader is, let him lead us out of this mess and lead us out of war and lead me into a new job soon, Amen!
I DID manage to get an on-line application and resume sent off to KleinBank, located in Chaska (yeah, very close to home!) for a Branch Administrative Manager. Me run a bank? Why not. I'm quite sure it would involve being more productive than I was today however...
I shouldn't say I was completely worthless...in addition to the bank thing, I set up my Monster.com so now I can get another slew of jobs that I'm not interested in sent to me each day. But ya know what? Even if it's a job I wouldn't give to the dog, (all she knows how to do is eat and barf...) just seeing that there are actually companies hiring is kind of motivating to me, even if most of the jobs are for "Seasonal Employees needed at Radio Shack"!...
Oh, but here is worthless for you...Worthless is making Leah sit on the toilet to go potty. She is flat out refusing. Her stubbornness reminds me of Da.....uh, never mind. We made her sit for almost a half hour. I caved, she won, story of my life.
I have a plan for tomorrow, it includes being a little more productive than today, and then the next a little more than the day before. I do not plan however, that Leah will pee on the potty.
It is after all, only the end of Day Two. And I'm still loving grinding the beans....
Monday, November 3, 2008
Lost My Job - Day 1
Day One. No alarm was set, except poor husbands... The dog came and nudged me about 6:30, I believe she feared I was unconscious or dead, makes no difference to her as long as she gets to eat, which usually would happen about 4:30 am. But this is today. Day one. No job. No getting up at 4:30, even if the dog barfs in anticipation of eating, which has been known to happen at least every other day.
Ah, to sleep in. (Yes, 6:30 am to me is practically oversleeping). I fumbled out of bed and downstairs to grind some coffee beans. "No working stiff would ever have time to grind the beans", I thought. If today was over it would be ok, because I got to grind the beans, and it's only 6:35!
Enjoyed the entire pot of joe, but not before 3-year-old Leah came into the kitchen at 7:05 and exclaimed that she "heard a scary noise". I do suppose it could have been the dog barfing, but no, she already ate...
8-year-old Sydney still out for the count. She's got teenager like tendancies when it comes to sleeping, and that's all I'll say about that. On this day, Day One, letting my girls sleep in instead of yanking them out of bed at 6 am to hurry them out the door to before school care and daycare, MAY just make this Lost My Job thing be ok for awhile. If for no other reason than they deserve it, and I relish in being able to give it to them.
We ate breakfast, watched some Blues Clues, oh and get this, I did what I had been putting off for a few days, (and a job I don't like), I washed Leah's hair. Who does this stuff at 8 am?! I guess I do! Hair and baths are separate occasions for Leah since I discovered that she didn't cry when they washed her hair in that special sink at the "haircut store". So now I do the same at home, with the kitchen sink sprayer while she lays on the counter. (And I try to have last nights leftovers cleaned out of the sink and down the disposal before I start.) The salon it ain't, but to not have to deal with the fiasco in the tub makes it all worth it.
Got everyone dressed and headed out the door. Drove Sydney to school, dropped Leah off at daycare. Yes, despite being home all day little girlie will still go to daycare so a) we don't lose our spot, (I do afterall not intend to be home THAT long) and b) to give me the uninterrupted time and energy I'll need to find a new a fabulous new job! So, got the kid-o's off to where they needed to be exactly 2.5 hours later than a typical Monday. The Army's slogan of "we do more before 9 am than most people do all day" holds true in the house as usual. (Imagine if I had got up at 4:30?!)
Next up, the gym for my daily cardio burn. As hubby reminded me, now that I'm not working and on severence, every thing I do that's NOT work, I get paid for. What a nice way to look at it. So, since I am now "getting paid" to work out, I do surmise that I should have worked harder . Surely I'll eat enough Halloween candy to negate any calories I shed, but at least I did it. Oh, and I observed 19 year old "Taylor" win 2 cars, a scooter, and $26K on his birthday on the Price is Right during my time on the treadmill. Who knew THAT would be so entertaining... Lucky SOB.
After the gym it was home to check e-mail, lunch, scolding bad dog for getting into rotton pumpkin in the neighbors yard (she really does have an eating disorder) and I do suppose it's time to do at least ONE thing job search related. Right after my soap opera....
_____________________________________________________
Later on this afternoon, I sized up a job I've been thinking about doing for some time, and that is cleaning our bedroom windows. That low fall sun glaring through makes it appear quite obvious that this is not a task I have performed since we moved in 5 years ago. I had high hopes for this task, I had a plan. I was going to remove the screens, get a broom handle, attach some seriously wet towels and wash the outside of those windows so I could actually see the backyard again. Well, the builder must have a liability clause written into the permit that they will NOT allow the screens to come out because they didn't, they wouldn't, they won't. I shut the windows, closed the curtains, and was actually a little relieved that I had a great excuse for not having to risk life and limb just to see outside. The grey days of winter are coming anyway, who cares if I see that? I should really post my resume with a few companies....
Look at the time! Time to run to Target! We were almost out of Saran Wrap! Would hate to have a food wrapping emergency...
4 pm, here comes Sydney off the bus. We make Oreo smoothies and talk about her day at school. THIS is the life...
I spend some time outside with Leah and the neighbor kids before it gets dark at 5 pm (Daylight savings indeed!) I make friends with the two neighbors' au pairs, and the stay-at-home mom across the street. I am after all, "one of them" for now. Might as well get chummy.
As Day One draws to a close, looking back, I didn't do a THING job search related, except think about it of course. And that's ok. It's Day One. I have 228 more until my severance checks run out... and I got to grind the beans!!!
Ah, to sleep in. (Yes, 6:30 am to me is practically oversleeping). I fumbled out of bed and downstairs to grind some coffee beans. "No working stiff would ever have time to grind the beans", I thought. If today was over it would be ok, because I got to grind the beans, and it's only 6:35!
Enjoyed the entire pot of joe, but not before 3-year-old Leah came into the kitchen at 7:05 and exclaimed that she "heard a scary noise". I do suppose it could have been the dog barfing, but no, she already ate...
8-year-old Sydney still out for the count. She's got teenager like tendancies when it comes to sleeping, and that's all I'll say about that. On this day, Day One, letting my girls sleep in instead of yanking them out of bed at 6 am to hurry them out the door to before school care and daycare, MAY just make this Lost My Job thing be ok for awhile. If for no other reason than they deserve it, and I relish in being able to give it to them.
We ate breakfast, watched some Blues Clues, oh and get this, I did what I had been putting off for a few days, (and a job I don't like), I washed Leah's hair. Who does this stuff at 8 am?! I guess I do! Hair and baths are separate occasions for Leah since I discovered that she didn't cry when they washed her hair in that special sink at the "haircut store". So now I do the same at home, with the kitchen sink sprayer while she lays on the counter. (And I try to have last nights leftovers cleaned out of the sink and down the disposal before I start.) The salon it ain't, but to not have to deal with the fiasco in the tub makes it all worth it.
Got everyone dressed and headed out the door. Drove Sydney to school, dropped Leah off at daycare. Yes, despite being home all day little girlie will still go to daycare so a) we don't lose our spot, (I do afterall not intend to be home THAT long) and b) to give me the uninterrupted time and energy I'll need to find a new a fabulous new job! So, got the kid-o's off to where they needed to be exactly 2.5 hours later than a typical Monday. The Army's slogan of "we do more before 9 am than most people do all day" holds true in the house as usual. (Imagine if I had got up at 4:30?!)
Next up, the gym for my daily cardio burn. As hubby reminded me, now that I'm not working and on severence, every thing I do that's NOT work, I get paid for. What a nice way to look at it. So, since I am now "getting paid" to work out, I do surmise that I should have worked harder . Surely I'll eat enough Halloween candy to negate any calories I shed, but at least I did it. Oh, and I observed 19 year old "Taylor" win 2 cars, a scooter, and $26K on his birthday on the Price is Right during my time on the treadmill. Who knew THAT would be so entertaining... Lucky SOB.
After the gym it was home to check e-mail, lunch, scolding bad dog for getting into rotton pumpkin in the neighbors yard (she really does have an eating disorder) and I do suppose it's time to do at least ONE thing job search related. Right after my soap opera....
_____________________________________________________
Later on this afternoon, I sized up a job I've been thinking about doing for some time, and that is cleaning our bedroom windows. That low fall sun glaring through makes it appear quite obvious that this is not a task I have performed since we moved in 5 years ago. I had high hopes for this task, I had a plan. I was going to remove the screens, get a broom handle, attach some seriously wet towels and wash the outside of those windows so I could actually see the backyard again. Well, the builder must have a liability clause written into the permit that they will NOT allow the screens to come out because they didn't, they wouldn't, they won't. I shut the windows, closed the curtains, and was actually a little relieved that I had a great excuse for not having to risk life and limb just to see outside. The grey days of winter are coming anyway, who cares if I see that? I should really post my resume with a few companies....
Look at the time! Time to run to Target! We were almost out of Saran Wrap! Would hate to have a food wrapping emergency...
4 pm, here comes Sydney off the bus. We make Oreo smoothies and talk about her day at school. THIS is the life...
I spend some time outside with Leah and the neighbor kids before it gets dark at 5 pm (Daylight savings indeed!) I make friends with the two neighbors' au pairs, and the stay-at-home mom across the street. I am after all, "one of them" for now. Might as well get chummy.
As Day One draws to a close, looking back, I didn't do a THING job search related, except think about it of course. And that's ok. It's Day One. I have 228 more until my severance checks run out... and I got to grind the beans!!!
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