Cool is as cool does...

Losing one’s job is, well, not cool. Through this process I have tried to see the positives that have come out of the demise of my employment, and have come up with my own “Top 5 reasons being at home is cool”, David Letterman style:

#5 Mail Call

Not in a long time has such an event made my heart race with anticipation. Every day I await the credit card offers: “Take that much deserved vacation with this 1 Million Dollar credit line” (I feel like busting out the Crayola's and colorfully accepting their offer.) The pizza coupons, the magazine subscriptions: “Danger, this is your last notice, DO NOT LET YOUR SUBSCRIPTION EXPIRE” as though a detriment equaling bodily harm will be inflicted sure as the sun is going to rise. Oh, and who doesn't love the Laser Hair Removal offer, OMG a little presumptuous???

My only problem with the mail? Not a job offer in the whole worthless pile. But I am holding out for the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. After all, "I Could Already Be A Winner" !!!!

#4 The Uninterrupted Lunch

Any cube-dwelling, lunch-eating working stiff can appreciate the lunch at your desk that goes uninterrupted. The consummate multi-tasker, I usually had a utensil in one hand and my mouse in the other. Then the phone rings. It’s someone 2 aisles down. Do I pick up? No, I have just stuffed my face with yet another forkful, and besides, who wants to be interrupted during lunch?! Then, the tap on the shoulder. DAMN. Chump who called me just showed up at my desk! BUSTED! Now am I not only still chewing, I likely have lettuce in my teeth AND I have to stop eating to help said chump, (I mean, beloved co-worker!!!)

Not so at home. Like when the phone rang at lunch time during the presidential campaign. When the Democratic Party called, naturally the call went unanswered. Did Barack Obama show up and tap me on the shoulder? HELL NO! Now, truly, ignorance is bliss.

#3 Happy Hour starts at…

Let’s see here, since Happy Hour never has to end per se, let’s just say that Happy Hour is now available 24/7. It has no start and no end, kind of like the universe. The Price is Right at 10 am BEGS a big ol mug of Kahlua laden coffee… It makes looking at Drew Carey for an hour a little more bearable...

#2 Unparalleled Privacy

Happiness is, not having to have personal, albeit needed, phone conversations from “The Cube”.

For example, the appointment making for the, er, “womanly doctor appointment” use to go something like this:

“Such and such clinic, may I help you?”

(whispering) “Er, yes, need to make an appointment for fjeoawjfeoijaofijadf”

“Excuse me, I didn’t get that, you need what?”

“Um, I need my lkaflkdjfsdojfdsaf”

“You’re gonna have to speak up”

(now “whisper shouting”) “I need my annual jfelkj;ofje”

“Excuse me, did you say you need the cap off your beer??”

“NO DAMMIT! I said I need a FREAKIN' PAP SMEAR!”

As my two (female thankfully) co-workers raised their heads above their own cubes to snicker at my attempt at this most private conversation, it was clear that I needed an office with a door. (That, or to be a man, but that would present a whole other realm of challenges I'm not up for at this time... )

Not so at home. I can run rampant through the house screaming my entire gynecological vocabulary any time!! How cool is that?!

And the #1 cool thing about being at home is of course…

The extra sleep. Though, I do need to crank down the Sleep Number.

Seems it’s set at “coma”.

;-)